The MAKINGS of ME.

w/ relationships... my feelings have been crushed too much. & ppl wonder why im so rough & tough. imma forever keep my guard up. you think this new person in your life is interested but its ALWAYS something. honestly dudes in my age range are in the phases of "fcking everything" or purely jst are jst a bunch of dumb fcks who dnt know what they want & i DNT have time for that... its been stepped on TOO many times to count, so its about time for me to throw it out...

i admit it. i AM KINDA bitter. but if you were me you would be too, im honestly tryna move on from being w/ my first love of 4 yrs. i wont get into depth on it but if you know me you know the situation. a quick summary consists of me being in a mental, verbal, & physical abusive relationship, being cheated on all the time, my ex even got another chick knocked up! ha. smh. & yea i still have feelings for him, ive rejected his invitations to come visit him. i just dont wanna go down that road anymore, its unhealthy for me. im working on NOT being bitter its just another "trial & error" thing. BUT, in the back of my mind i still cant trust these dudes. ive been burned TOO MUCH. but i really wish people wouldnt hold that against me & take what i have been through in consideration. im trying my HARDEST to move on & not judge the next guy like hes my ex, its hella hard. my guards are up hella high, but i think i met someone who is on my level so who knows ... i ...

so i recently went to mac to buy some red lipstick. i dnt wear make up but the lady offered to put some one me. & i hated it of course but oh well lol. but today i got bored & took pics w/ the lipstick. i was kinda afraid how i would look w/ it on but i actually like it. when i tried on the pink lipstick i was disgusted LOL. heres a few though more are on facebook. A PERSONAL FAVE LOL

i LOVE her. BEEN lovin her since playtime is over. & BEFORE that. [do your research.] the pictures are GORGEOUS. anyway read/view the article HERE. P.S. the barbie necklace is NICEEEE!

so abt a month ago or so i was in the americas next top model contest. i didnt win the contest but i received alot of votes maybe around top 20-30 out of 500+ girls. i was still going to to go the auditions come aug 8th. i took off & everything & it was announced that the auditions were pushed back til sept 12th. as time passed by i was excited, but knew school was a priority & decided not to go to the auditions. even though i have wanted to tryout since i was 12 or 13 & when i finally turned 18, i could NEVER make it to the auditions, due to work, etc. BUT w/ some convincing of my TRUE friends & fam. I went w/ my homegirl JESSICA. she tried out as well. i didnt make it to the first round, because i wasnt prepared. I didnt have pictures or a application, etc. Which im not sad abt not making it b/c i wasnt prepared. so next time around i know what i have to bring to the table. the girls that auditioned w/ me did crazy & silly things to get noticed. hmmm ...

so somethin told me to youtube this & its already uploaded. basically if you missed it, watch it. ITS HILARIOUS, yet kinda sad. lol im lost for words STILL. i dnt know whether to smh or lmao! haha && can we BLAME it on the alcohol? lmao yea he got the henny on deck! haha well he got kicked out the awards after he embarrassed taylor swift & amber followed behind. smh kanye! LOL

i ran across this...on worldstarhiphop.com lol but is this video old or new? & why im kinda liking this? lol me & my cousin tayzjah were the biggest b2k fans. i LOVED JBOOG & she liked razb & lil fizz. i have every album & dvd, & hundreds of posters, went to EVERY concert. lol same thing w/ bowwow lol. whew brings back memories when i was young & didnt have a worry in the world ... thats another story though watch the video